• It may be difficult to decide to stop treatment, and it may take time to process this decision. However, time will also give you some perspective and may allow you to explore new opportunities.
    • Sometimes we have to let go of one idea and readjust to another. We may decide to let go of the idea of having our own biological child, but we can still focus on having a family.
    • Allow yourself to grieve. Grieving is a process which takes time and can take various forms, including deep sadness, depression, anxiety and anger.
    • The decision to stop treatment can also provide some relief.
“Roller coaster is really the right word [to describe fertility treatment], it’s what we’ve been using very often as a term.” (Fertility patient, 32)
  • Not feeling like you have any role in the treatment process can make you feel like you are not involved. Talk with your partner, who may be more receptive than you thought.
  • Learn more about: New beginnings
    • Redefine yourself. You may be forced to redefine what it means to be a parent or to have a family. Family can mean many different things.
    • If you feel comfortable, you may want to explore other means of becoming a parent. Adoption could be a good option for you and your partner. 
    • Using alternative language to describe yourself can also help make you feel more empowered about being childless.
      • Some people use terms such as: NoMo (not a mother) or NoFa (not a father).
    • Create new goals or revisit old ones that you may have deferred when you began fertility treatment. You may have a place in mind that you always wanted to travel to, or a language you always wanted to learn.
    • Check out childfree resorts, and go to the late movies.
    • You will recover. It may be hard to imagine right now, but people do recover from loss, including the loss of the dream of biological parenthood. It takes time, but it is encouraging to know that after a while, most people report that they do have happy and meaningful lives.

Recommended books

  • Tsigdinos, P. M. (2009). Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found. Charleston, South Carolina: BookSurge Publishing.
  • Cleantis, T. (2015). The Next Happy. Minnesota: Hazelden Publishing.
  • Day, J. (2013). Rocking the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Life Without Children. USA: Create Space Independent Publishing Platform.
  • Manterfield, L. (2010). I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood. California: Steel Rose Press.
  • Notkin, M. (2014). Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness. Toronto, ON: Penguin.