• Your thoughts and feelings are normal. You are not alone. Many men share the same experience as you.
  • It’s completely reasonable to feel high levels of stress. The stress of fertility treatment is comparable to the stress associated with other serious illnesses like cancer or heart disease.
  • Your ability to get your partner pregnant does not define who you are as a man or as a person.
  • Being a man is about many roles: husband/partner, son, brother, friend, cousin, colleague.
  • Your sex drive and your ability to satisfy your partner has nothing to do with your fertility.
  • Infertility is not your fault—it is a medical condition like any other.
  • Infertility is a couple’s issue. No matter the cause, no one is to blame. You and your partner are a team, working together to achieve your fertility goals.
  • Everyone needs help sometimes. Asking for help when you are feeling down is a sign of strength and power and can lower your stress.
  • Some men deal with their stress by drinking alcohol or smoking, which is a way to numb and avoid your feelings. This may feel good in the moment but doesn’t actually help you deal with the problem. In fact, drinking alcohol or smoking can negatively impact your fertility.

Why does your stress level matter?

  • Research shows that stress is the number one reason patients drop out of treatment. One of the best determinants of success is to keep going. However, if you and your partner decide that what is best for you is to stop treatment due to stress, it is as valid a reason as any other.
  • Stress affects our everyday life. It may be harder to concentrate at work, to enjoy going out with family or friends, or to get along with your partner.

What can you DO when you are feeling stressed?

  • Talk it out
    • Take action by speaking to someone: a friend, a family member, your partner. Don’t keep things bottled up!
    • Talk to someone you respect, such as your spiritual leader, a former coach, or mentor.
    • Consider joining a local or online fertility support group.
“I kinda tried to shy away from the issue at first, just because I feel like if I acknowledge it then it actually is an issue, and if I don't then it will go away at some point like most guys.” (Fertility patient, 34)
  • Get the information you need
    • Create a plan and speak with your partner about this plan. Know which appointments you are attending. Create a list of questions you want to ask the doctor if you cannot make the appointment.
    • Research the “ins and outs” of fertility treatment. For example, knowing the types of tests, stages of treatment, and medical terminology can make you feel in control.
  • Keep busy
    • Give yourself a simple task to distract yourself from the stress, like grocery shopping, taking a walk, or seeing your buddies.
    • Find little things or projects that are fun.
    • Take time to relax. Do some relaxation activities like meditation or listening to or playing music.
    • Check out some meditation apps for your smartphone.
    • If you’re a spiritual person, continuing to practice your faith can help comfort you.
  • Exercise and sports
    • Substitute exercise for extra couch time. Burning off energy is a proven way to relieve stress.
    • Gyms can be a great place to meet people. Join a gym where they have sports activities such as soccer, racquetball, or tennis.
    • What sport do you enjoy playing? Consider joining a recreational team.
    • If gym fees are too steep, try exercising outside. Run around the school track, go to the park, or take a walk with your partner. Many communities offer low-cost exercise programs and facilities.
  • Quit those bad habits
    • Consider a program to help reduce or stop drinking alcohol or smoking.
    • Here are some tips to quit smoking.
  • Learn ways to be healthy

Signs of depression and anxiety and resources for support

How do we know when it is more than stress?

  • Warning signs of depression and/or anxiety:
    • Eating more or less than usual
    • Not sleeping properly (too much or too little)
    • Feeling overly tired or lacking energy (have a hard time getting out of bed)
    • Poor memory and/or forgetfulness
    • Excessive drinking and/or drug use
    • Withdrawing from family members or friends
    • Behaving out of character
    • Finding it difficult to concentrate or struggling at work
    • Not enjoying things as you used to
    • Low self-esteem
    • Having unusual experiences or hearing things that others don’t
    • Physical signs:
      • headaches
      • upset stomach
      • aches and pains
  • If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, talk to your family doctor to get some advice. Your doctor may suggest you see a professional or may recommend medication (or a combination of both). These are tools which can help you get better.
  • You can also check out this “Self Check” to see how you are doing.
  • If your difficulties are not improving, and the stress is affecting your daily functioning, you may also want to contact a professional counsellor or psychologist directly.
  • Here is some additional information and resources on mental health and wellness.